I don't know why I feel happy going back to writing again, though I know it's my weakness and I suck at it a lot lol. But after going on a long hiatus from my blog, social media ( FB & IG ) and esp. youtube, I just felt like I needed to go back and re-evaluate myself, my thoughts and my life. But before I start with this post I want to ask you guys a question? So.

What comes to your mind when someone asks you "What's was the worse break up you've ever had?" Hmm... 

Of course... People will automatically think about their worst EX-BOYFRIENDS, and you guys might think me and my boyfriend broke up or something that's why I made this blog post,  NOO HAHAHA!

Have you ever had  FRIENDSHIP Break up?

After more than ten or twelve years of being "very good friends",  Now we have officially broken up and I guess it will never be the same way again,  it felt like I barely knew the person and It's like he/she was a stranger to me that just passed by and I just didn't mind. 

And yes... It's all about Friendships that got torn apart by time and I guess differences, and I'm just writing to say my thoughts that I've been keeping inside me. 

I'm not writing this blog post to humiliate the person nor will i ever say the specific reason why the friendship ended, But I guess I just wanted to write and eventually say how I felt and maybe indirectly tell him/her how I feel and how I am handling what happened, if ever he/she was interested  to know how I am or whatever.

It's so weird that after being friends for so long and seeing the friendship that I thought that would last a lifetime. It seriously crushed my heart.. to the point that I was seriously down, Maybe I expected too much from you that I thought you'd do the same things for me like what I did for you. Though I might've been the harshest commenter as a friend, I 100% Genuinely cared and was always one call away and is always there.

You might think it was super easy for me to move on and forget you, but its not what you think. Now that I think about it how our relationship was and how it ended. I kinda realized the friendship wasn't really working out. You were actaully pushing me away and indirectly telling me that we weren't really the same and wasn't a good pair. I was completely blinded by my obsession that we were best friends and that we will be very close and we will always be together forever, but then finally I saw our differences and why we completely drifted apart. I guess people just change and I guess we both did.

Friendship breakups are the worse break-ups because this won't fade away that easily compared to romantic break-ups. But friendship breakups are like a burn and sometimes you never ever get the reason why it hurts and why the burn stays. It is the most vicious break up because you will feel Fear, abandonment, betrayal, loss & sadness. 

Any close bond being broken is awful, but the relationship you and your best friend are unlike any other relationship or friendship. That's what makes a friend break up feel so much worse.

If ever you are reading this I just wanted to say thank you for all the memories we had, although I might've said bad things. I still want to say sorry and I wanna wish you well. I hope you will achieve all of your dreams and I wish for you to have a healthy and good life. I might've looked mean when we saw each other at the mall, but I actually wanted to talk to you but I just felt like maybe it's not okay, but I guess I will just say it here. I just wanna say Thank you for being my friend for the past few years. Please be always ok and just keep swimming through life. Please don't get angry that I wrote about this I didn't mean to post this as a way to humiliate you and make you feel bad. I just really wanted to share how I felt and why it's also ok to accept what had happened to us.

It's okay if you experienced losing a friend and NO you are not bad, you are also good enough to have your own clique. Maybe it will take time, maybe, for now, the lord is just teaching you to mature and to control yourself or maybe to help you get ready for a very very extreme rollercoaster ride experience coz the outside isn't easy. Right after HS AND UNI. It will be harder to meet people. Harder to trust and be with people. So maybe in every obstacle or problem you are facing you just need to be very positive and always be cautious so that you will be ok.

I guess it was all a lesson for me. This isn't the first time I ever lost a friend but this was a different friendship this friendship started when I was young that's why it hurts. I've always thought that friendships that are longer than a few years are gonna last longer like in relationships, we always thought the couple who have been together for a long time is the happiest and will last a lifetime.

Cherish every moment with everyone in your life.

We will never know until when we will ever be with the person.